Friday, November 16, 2012

How to be Assertive: Ask for what you want

Being assertive is about saying what you really think - although saying it with some tact. Assertiveness is also about being willing to ask for what you want.
Being assertive

If asking for what you want doesn't come particularly easy for you, then it might be worthwhile to step back and reflect a little upon what is stopping you and causing this discomfort

Chances are that it is a self-limiting belief system or thought process that is the basis of this reluctance ..... But how exactly might it affect you?

Maybe for example, there's someone you would like to ask out on a date or someone you'd like to ask to have a dance with at a party  ..... but you can't summon up the courage. Or maybe it's as simple as needing a favour from a friend - but being unable to ask. Or wanting to ask your boss at work for a raise in your salary because of the longer hours you're working - but finding excuses to avoid asking........ Well, it could be a fear of rejection that's creating this reluctance and holing you back. A fear that the other person will say no.

And as long as you remain scared of the word NO, then you will continue to avoid asking for what we want. And that means you miss out on the chance to experience something that may bring more satisfaction and enjoyment to your life.

Knowing when to take a risk, instead of always playing safe ....

So, if you think that the fear of rejection is causing you to always play safe and prevent you from asking for what you want, then here's some ideas that might help ......
  1. Instead of imagining the other person saying no, try to imagine them saying yes
  2. Instead of having your mind focus on the embarrassment of them saying no, focus on the benefits and what you might gain from them saying yes
  3. Put a no into perspective....... what do you really lose if they say no, it's not the end of the world, it doesn't have to mean that you are a worthless person. You will still survive and you won't have the regret later on of wondering what might have been
  4. Even if they say no now, it doesn't mean that at some other time they might still say yes
So, in small ways to begin with - and then moving on to the bigger things in your life - start pushing your comfort zone and ask for what you want.

As your assertiveness gradually grows in this area of your life, you will find you start to worry less about what other people think, you will feel more self-confident and you can focus more on living a life that brings you happiness

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